Space.

  Does anybody else just get to the point that you're too stretched out...in too many places at one time? If you haven't, let me tell you, it's exhausting. And that, coupled with my insufficient supply of interesting topics to write on, is the reason for my absence.
  Facebook and Instagram entered my life, and it was much easier to make a quick post, and update everybody on every boring and monotonous event in my life. No more! I say. I need to commit to writing and exercising my creativity in this area.
  lately my life has been anything but normal, with the start of my jobs and going to classes to get my GED. Not exactly what twelve year old me had envisioned for my future, but here we are.
  I have three jobs at the moment, helping a bookkeeper, waiting tables, and being the sole librarian in a rather small unexciting town, coincidentally, the same town in which I waitress as well.
  Bookkeeping is not something I feel necessarily passionate about, but it's a good skill and I enjoy the challenge of balancing numbers and finding holes and inconsistencies.
  Waitressing on the other hand...is. my. jam. I love the energy, and the hustle. I love the possibility of making more money than I did the night before, and the inconsistency is something I genuinely thrive on. I love the running around, serving people, laughing with coworkers because a particular customer is funny, and I love the regulars (little old couples who are so darn cute). If you would have told me when I was sixteen that I was gonna love waiting tables, I would have laughed in your face...nothing could be farther from my comfort zone. But it turns out...I love a good challenge, I live each day to prove that I can and will succeed in what I set my hand to. I'm not trying to brag, it's just something that I never knew, something that makes my heart swell when I think about it.
  That cold night in December that I just randomly on impulse decided to go apply at the local restaurant, hopefully as a dishwasher, because I wasn't making enough money at the library.
a couple days later I handed in the application and she hired me almost on the spot..as a waitress...I almost died.

How would I, an introvert, ever get the nerve to do that?

And I will say that those first couple months were very hard. Some of my fellow waitresses were rather rude, and impatient with me and my clumsy ways.
But I prevailed. Triumphant in the end, still having to swallow that lump of anxiety on my way into work. still having to give myself a pep talk every time I'm tying my apron on.
But I've discovered that I'm not an introvert at all...in fact...after waitressing for a couple months, I realized that I'm quite the opposite of that.
I'm a quiet extrovert, content to watch the crowd, but still reliant on the crowd and the energy it provides.
I am mentally and physically drained when I return home from a long shift. But I did it. I proved myself wrong. I AM capable, and I hope to keep discovering new things about myself as I continue to test my comfort zone and expand it.\

  I feel like the librarian job needs little explanation. it's something I thought I would love, something I thought fit my personality. But it turns out that all those stupid books about librarians and the mysterious (and handsome) patrons that always seem to turn up at convenient points in time were lying. It's not romantic in the least, sitting at the desk playing a Sudoku puzzle with poor posture, while watching the super energetic (aren't I nice...not calling them annoying) kids play on the computers.
Not my idea of a perfect fit at all.
I need energy.
And this job is currently sucking all that out.
Oh...there is a stack of books that need to be shelved...guess I better get to it.