The Future Awaits...
Discovering ones self is an exciting adventure, in which the participants are constantly being awed, intrigued, amazed, and disgusted.
You find yourself liking certain things that you never even thought about as a younger child: Like what clothes to wear, or what food to eat, or what books and movies to watch.
Finding how much you love something so much and don't know how you din't see it before, like a style of skirt or a kind of bread.
simple things such as that that all my life until now, I have let my mother take care of for me.
And now. Now I want to be in control.
Now I want to express myself wholly and completely. Express my true self and what has been lying dormant for so many years.
I want to be a photographer, and I want to start a business called "Barefoot Photography".
I love high wasted skirts and full blouses.
I love teal and other earthy colors such as green and brown.
I love my fuzzy curly wild hair.
I embrace my life as a simple farmgirl.
And...I will always be...barefoot.
Being thrown into a world full of new tastes, feels, and opinions can be tricky business, seeing that everyone in the adult world has a lot more to worry about than their favorite Minnie Mouse doll.
Things can no longer be mended with just "I'm sorry" or "I won't do it again!" accompanied by a pitiful smile or a slight whine in your voice.
It's a big jump, and a scary one...dodging missiles, leaping rifts, and potentially every other danger out there...only with one small difference...it's all in your head!
Lucy might not have actually meant she hated me...maybe she really meant that she hated my hair?
When Jona looked at me...did that mean he likes me? Or maybe he was just amazed by how ugly and fat I am?
While all the while, Lucy wasn't even talking to you, and Jona was looking at your cute sister.
All the things that happen in day to day life, and all the emotional swings that we ALL go through on a daily bases!
It gets so confusing.
Sometimes I want to just shrink down to a little kid again.
I mean, what was it I was so excited about when I was little anyway?
Was it more responsibilities?
Or more emotions to try and control?
Those rebellious feelings that well up inside uninvited?
What did I see?
I wonder these things now. Now that I'm so close to reaching the destination that was so inviting only moments ago.
While I enjoy thoroughly the constant excitement of finding out more about myself, I dread the day when I can no longer look at mama when I'm confronted with a difficult issue, when I can no longer cry on her shoulder and have her hand to hold through everything.
That day is coming.
Swift as a loosed arrow.
On the bright side...
I am grateful that I will always have God to guide and help me...that he will be there even when my best friends forsake me and when all others are gone.
You find yourself liking certain things that you never even thought about as a younger child: Like what clothes to wear, or what food to eat, or what books and movies to watch.
Finding how much you love something so much and don't know how you din't see it before, like a style of skirt or a kind of bread.
simple things such as that that all my life until now, I have let my mother take care of for me.
And now. Now I want to be in control.
Now I want to express myself wholly and completely. Express my true self and what has been lying dormant for so many years.
I want to be a photographer, and I want to start a business called "Barefoot Photography".
I love high wasted skirts and full blouses.
I love teal and other earthy colors such as green and brown.
I love my fuzzy curly wild hair.
I embrace my life as a simple farmgirl.
And...I will always be...barefoot.
Being thrown into a world full of new tastes, feels, and opinions can be tricky business, seeing that everyone in the adult world has a lot more to worry about than their favorite Minnie Mouse doll.
Things can no longer be mended with just "I'm sorry" or "I won't do it again!" accompanied by a pitiful smile or a slight whine in your voice.
It's a big jump, and a scary one...dodging missiles, leaping rifts, and potentially every other danger out there...only with one small difference...it's all in your head!
Lucy might not have actually meant she hated me...maybe she really meant that she hated my hair?
When Jona looked at me...did that mean he likes me? Or maybe he was just amazed by how ugly and fat I am?
While all the while, Lucy wasn't even talking to you, and Jona was looking at your cute sister.
All the things that happen in day to day life, and all the emotional swings that we ALL go through on a daily bases!
It gets so confusing.
Sometimes I want to just shrink down to a little kid again.
I mean, what was it I was so excited about when I was little anyway?
Was it more responsibilities?
Or more emotions to try and control?
Those rebellious feelings that well up inside uninvited?
What did I see?
I wonder these things now. Now that I'm so close to reaching the destination that was so inviting only moments ago.
While I enjoy thoroughly the constant excitement of finding out more about myself, I dread the day when I can no longer look at mama when I'm confronted with a difficult issue, when I can no longer cry on her shoulder and have her hand to hold through everything.
That day is coming.
Swift as a loosed arrow.
On the bright side...
I am grateful that I will always have God to guide and help me...that he will be there even when my best friends forsake me and when all others are gone.
thanks for reading my rant!!
Abigail Leilani
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