Barefoot Tootsies

  Today is the last day working at the library. And somehow I find myself sad...maybe it's because I've procrastinated and have yet to find a replacement job, or maybe it's because I'm losing a part of my routine. It kinda feels like the feeling I get when I don't comb my hair cause I know its gonna be a huge hairball, when I finally do comb my hair I find myself disappointed with the huge hairball.   Disappointed, yet, knowing it's something that needs to happen.   I'm sure I could find a few more things to complain about and fill a page or two with rants and blubbering...trying to justify the hole I've gone and dug myself into.   2020. A new year. A new decade. And I'm making a few changes around here. Starting with sweeping out old dreams that no longer apply. And working on old habits that aren't helping my and my family's happiness.   I've always been a lazy person I think. I would rather sit and do nothing, rather than get up ...

 DISCLAIMER! Please note that the feelings and opinions expressed in this post are not aimed at any individual...I am simply expressing my desire to remove myself from a situation that no longer suits my inclinations.  Hey! I just did a thing...I quit the job that has slowly become a point of disinterest and frustration (due to restlessness) in my heart! I am a free woman! And endless hours sitting at a desk and dealing with unruly children are quite happily numbered! Not a super long post, but an optimistic one at least, and I feel a burden has been lifted.   The Opportunity to "move on" as I like to put it, presented itself just a couple hours ago when I was quite innocently searching "how to give two weeks notice" on the work computer...I just realized that that probably wasn't the smartest place to search that...but in the end its all good.   I had just closed the tab, and was trying to calculate how to accidentally bump into my boss at some point in t...

  What do you do when the dreams you spent hours perfecting and creating never come true? And you really just become another ordinary anxiety ridden adult trying to make ends meet working a crumby job and trying to get along with the family? What do you do? Where do you turn? I had so much ambition and motivation when I was little, so many plans...heck, I was supposed to be married to a wealthy man and be shopping for everything but that of the clearance rack at JC Pennys right now. NOT parked at a desk freezing my toes off cause my boss wont let me turn the heat up a couple degrees. NOT turning into a puddle of tears because it turns out the problem with my truck is going to drain my savings account and leave me penniless during the holidays...   Okay, it's time to admit that I know full well how whiny I sound right now. I am aware of the fact that my last four posts have been rather pathetic and focused on the bad things in my life. But we've all been in that place. And rig...

  I never imagined a life with three jobs, a broken heart and a dad battling cancer. I still have trouble believing most of the things that have happened in the past couple years.   My once upon a time best friend got married back in 2018 and we haven't spoken in way too long...I find myself wondering where she is in her life...all the things we always said we would do together, and here we are, living life like two strangers who occasionally bump into each other. Life is weird. I miss her, and having a girl my age to talk to about the things I'm going through.   A dear friend of mine...somebody I thought would always be there, has stopped coming to church and hasn't hardly come around our house in the last year. I feel this loss acutely, a hollow spot in my chest that just won't go away, he was like a brother to me when we were younger...and something more now...but we never had our moment (thanks Hollywood for all the unrealistic hopes). I can't even put into wo...

  This year has been full of firsts for me. First plane ride for starters, on which I didn't get a window seat, coming or going. But I still came home with plenty of stories and laughter to share with my family.   I went to Texas on November 2nd. And while I was in Texas I was asked out on a date for the very first time in my life. let me tell you girls...get those expectations DOWN!   It was bad enough that I was inexperienced and new to the dating world, let alone my sky-high unrealistic expectations...for him and myself. I expected flirty conversation and banter, NOT long unbroken silences which I suddenly had no words to fill, my brain frozen with the sudden realization that I wanted him to like me but I didn't want to scare him off.   I think that in my case at least...it's hardest to find words when you need them...it is easy however to spout nonsense all the day long when words are entirely unnecessary and shallow, it's almost like my tongue is out to sabo...

  Does anybody else just get to the point that you're too stretched out...in too many places at one time? If you haven't, let me tell you, it's exhausting. And that, coupled with my insufficient supply of interesting topics to write on, is the reason for my absence.   Facebook and Instagram entered my life, and it was much easier to make a quick post, and update everybody on every boring and monotonous event in my life. No more! I say. I need to commit to writing and exercising my creativity in this area.   lately my life has been anything but normal, with the start of my jobs and going to classes to get my GED. Not exactly what twelve year old me had envisioned for my future, but here we are.   I have three jobs at the moment, helping a bookkeeper, waiting tables, and being the sole librarian in a rather small unexciting town, coincidentally, the same town in which I waitress as well.   Bookkeeping is not something I feel necessarily passionate about, but i...